I returned from a year of surgeries in fits and starts. Once I realized my former way of life was gone and not coming back, I more easily accepted new limitations and could move forward. The expectations I placed on myself adjusted. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully participate in life. Certainly not in the way I did before.
Halfway through the “third” season of Twin Peaks and the fandom is slowly accepting they may see very little, or none please god no, of Agent Cooper. Dougie scenes annoy a fair amount of people. Trent finds them uncomfortable, excruciating. I laugh. My grandmother finds the manifestations of dementia to be amusing and odd, not frightening. “The strangest thing happened to me today….” That’s how I hope I’ll cope with dementia when I inevitably inherit it from both sides. Sometimes I can cope with my current chronic diseases with levity and wonder (see: this blog), but if I always accept my body as it is, I am out of touch with reality.
I think I accept Cooper as Dougie, as he is, because I adore Cooper and I trust he’s doing what he should be. He has a purpose in this and it will be seen in eighteen hours. I trust David Lynch. (Finding a new meaning for my life takes longer and is so much more frustrating than getting Dougie out of a car.) And if I never see Agent Cooper again, I will feel loss.
I was prepared for the ending of the original show because it was known in pop culture for ending terribly. Agent Cooper, in our world, is an evil doppelganger possessed by Bob. The protagonist becomes the antagonist, is lost forever, no resolution, WTF. I can see how in the nineties this would be equivalent to when I flipped the final page of Infinite Jest and found the first footnote and screamed.
Cooper survived his experience on another plane for 25 years and was changed. He will never be who he was before this event, as it is for people who experience loss. He is relearning basic human bodily functions. The people in Dougie’s life are way more accepting of him than the audience, to the point where they ignore obvious instances where Dougie no longer acts as he used to. A historical car accident was mentioned but people new to Dougie also treat him as odd, but not impaired.
Dougie is guided by the other plane and has moments of prescience and ninja skills. Still figuring out which powers I came back with.