GF HelloFresh: August Week 1

Sweet potato chorizo patties with tomato salsa and

Sweet potato chorizo patties with tomato salsa and lime crema

What a frickin mess and two hours of prep!  Never again.

GF: sub gluten-free panko


Thai pork stir-fry with green beans, bell peppers over rice


Roasted pork tenderloin with lemony potatoes and zucchini


Bonus: SOFT GF cookies


Update: Prelief is life-changing.  I can sleep, I can think, I can work, I feel sane again, AND I’m drinking coffee.  Baking soda, who knew?  I have occasional flares and I’m trying to nail down the trigger foods.

Discount code: NIMBUS

The bees are stressed, help them!

cute bee

Bees are furry and adorable.

Trent was reading me to sleep last night.  He has a real terror of bees and cannot tolerate a bee hanging in his vicinity.

“The short take is that Colony Collapse Disorder is real, although its causes remain a source of some dispute. The Environmental Protection Agency lists the possible causes like this:

  • Increased losses due to the invasive varroa mite (a pest of honey bees).
  • New or emerging diseases such as Israeli Acute Paralysis virus and the gut parasite Nosema.
  • Pesticide poisoning through exposure to pesticides applied to crops or for in-hive insect or mite control.
  • Stress bees experience due to management practices such as transportation to multiple locations across the country for providing pollination services. 
  • Changes to the habitat where bees forage.
  • Inadequate forage/poor nutrition.
  • Potential immune-suppressing stress on bees caused by one or a combination of factors identified above.”


Nil:  The bees are MEEEE!

Trent: That’s why we’re not getting along.  Next session we should tell our therapist, ‘We figured it out. She’s a bee.’  And she’ll say, ‘Namaste,’ and send us on our way.

Nil: …laughs herself to sleep…

Dear Abby, I want to tell someone to fuck directly off but I lack confidence in myself

From ScorpioMystique:

The Pisces Moon will make you want to make sure everyone you love is taken care of, but prioritize the way you’re feeling. When you feel good, life is good. If you have to drop off the face of the Earth for a little while to get back into your zone, definitely do so.

How do you decide what to prioritize when you get opposing messages from those around you?  Or even different, judgy parts of yourself?


Judgy eyes

…Take care of yourself so you can take care of others.  Be more present.  Spend more time and effort being a good employee, caretaker, wife, child, homemaker.  Take time to rest and care for your health.  Get exercise. Accept yourself as you are right now.  Respect your elders.  Maintain healthy boundaries.  Listen to feedback from others.  Brush dem haters off…

Ok, when I write everything out, it’s clear what feels genuine and doable for me.  But I feel insane when people I respect, loved ones, tell me I need to be better, to do more than I already do.  That I am “habitually inappropriate”.  I know I need to do more.  I would love to do more.  But do we all understand why I cannot right now?

I have many invisible illnesses and although I feel like I talk about my aches and pains too much, I don’t apprise others of every development in discomfort, and thus, they may not be aware of my fluctuating needs.  I think Trent is so accustomed to me being in pain sometimes that he forgets pain makes me unhappy, uncomfortable, fatigued, irritable. Those with chronic mental and physical pain try to ignore, push through, and fake it, and this week, I feel guilty for not being able to fake it.  I’m sad, but not surprised, I’m not pregnant.  I feel like I am not enough.  A husk of a person.  That I could do better if I tried hard enough and I’m not trying hard enough but I’m so so tired of trying.  These are the messages I’m receiving from inside my head and from people who say they love me.

Side note: if literally everyone you’ve ever met is giving you the same feedback, consider it.  There are many people in my life who are supportive of me right now and giving me positive feedback and you all are carrying me through this week.


How do I clear out the static?  Be curious.  The most reliable IFS (Internal Family Systems) tactic.

When someone requests a change from you, gives you advice, is it for your benefit, both party’s benefit (although you may need to understand how this will work) or solely the other party’s benefit?  “I want you to adjust to improve my life.”

For Trent, even if it costs me some, I’m willing to adjust on most items.  But if I adjust for people who I don’t know as well, my attention to myself, my life, and Trent, suffers.  (See: spoon theory)

When giving yourself directives, are you treating yourself as kindly as you would a dear friend?  Or are you badgering yourself from a place of fear, anxiety?  Leading from Self as opposed to coming from a part, in IFS speak.

I’m going to need some time to think on this TRIGGER!ing situation, maybe lead myself through an IFS exercise.  Self Therapy is awesome for that.

From Rob Brezny’s Free Will Astrology:

Some zoos sell the urine of lions and tigers to gardeners who sprinkle it in their gardens. Apparently the stuff scares off wandering house cats that might be tempted to relieve themselves in vegetable patches. I nominate this scenario to be a provocative metaphor for you in the coming weeks. Might you tap into the power of your inner wild animal so as to protect your inner crops? Could you build up your warrior energy so as to prevent run-ins with pesky irritants? Can you call on helpful spirits to ensure that what’s growing in your life will continue to thrive?

Ha!  I’ve definitely had some cats spray in my yard this week.  I think all cats are cute, so a more apt description is that escaped chimpanzees threw their feces over my iron gates. Don’t worry, I sprinkled some tiger urine in their faces.

Infertility couples counseling

Young couple with a problem to consult a psychologist

This makes counseling look REAL fun.

As a couples counselor, it’s no surprise that I support counseling at every stage in life, as maintenance and during crisis.  Premarital (we did it), prenatal (I offer it), postpartum.  It is more difficult when issues fester for years, but there’s always hope as long as all partners are open to trying.  Even though counseling can be difficult, draining work, you also get to witness your partner being vulnerable and learn what hurt them as a child and continues to wound them.  Your love and empathy deepens.  It’s fucking beautiful.

I did couples counseling with the amazing John Palmer to process a breakup and the session was LITERALLY a miracle.  I let go of my belief that I did not deserve a happy relationship and the same day, Trent and I started a romantic relationship after years of being friends.  Unfortunately, John Palmer is booked for months so he recommended another therapist trained in Internal Family Systems, my favorite modality, and one which Trent is also familiar with.  I’ll be sharing psychoeducation, things I’ve learned, things I knew but forgot.

Today’s realization was that for some women, anger presents as tears.  I know that feeling!  When you’re pissed and frustrated and screaming in your head, why am I crying?  I look weak!  I can see this happening in the workplace.

I so enjoyed our first session because we dove in deep right away, and the therapist, Goldie, gently and humorously challenged us.  Many times, as a therapist receiving therapy, I feel like I’m not getting aha moments.  Reflection and advice given I could give to myself and stay at home.  To be a bitch about it/keeping it real.

Trigger foods I’m eating because live a little


And I select HelloFresh a week ahead and bought groceries


Tracking for Dr. Garza



Tomato sauce, habanero, and pepperoni: from GF pizza.

Pizza with no gluten, sauce, heat, or cured pork?  What am I even living for?  Throwing out the acupuncturist recommendation to limit dairy or I will be eating air.

Pancetta, cayenne:  from mac and cheese

Become horribly depressed I may have yet another medical condition which creates losses.  Has anyone ever been diagnosed with every single autoimmune disease?  Perhaps that will be me at 40, I bemoan.  I am also a very short human, eat small portions, was malnourished for years, then had several surgeries.  I’m under 100 pounds.  I don’t want to slip under 90 again.

Multivitamins are irritating? Switching back to Rainbow Light Prenatal although I was told to discontinue due to heightened levels of folic acid, whatever.  Discontinuing Citrucel until some new medication changes my bowels.  I was taking meds right before sleep.  CoQ10 may actually help IC.

Urinary urgency: none until sleep (woke 6 times)



Jalapeno, poblano pepper, cayenne, spices, tomato sauce: from chili relleno

Mac and cheese again

Chocolate: from dark chocolate ice cream bars

Doubleshot sips: from I have to work today

Urinary urgency: none until night, wake 7 times


Spice: from the blandest breakfast tacos, but Torchy’s uses spice on their potatoes.

I think I’ll try yerba mate as a Doubleshot alternative.  Perhaps I can pretend it’s tequila, an acquired taste.  This berry stuff is OK.  HEB didn’t have Prelief.  No one does!  Trent orders it from Amazon Prime before I flip out.

Urinary urgency: increases during evening until I need to pee every ten minutes.  I fall asleep around 2am? listening to Party Roll podcast (I’m going to try and play DND!)


Tomato, raw onion, chili flakes: from Mediterranean tacos

Amazon didn’t leave the package GAH!!!!!!!!

Urinary urgency: none, I slept almost all the way through the night, thank you, Lord.


I have the Prelief!

Mediterranean tacos

Chocolate from: death by chocolate cupcakes, which I forgot was a trigger until later

Urinary urgency: mild, more sleep!!!



Urinary urgency: none, sobs



Spice from: carnitas tacos

Tequila and lime from: margarita (that’s right, I’m on my period and not pregnant and can drown my physical pain and sorrows while Katherine watches in envy.  She’s due next week!)

Lemon: from pork and veggies

Urinary urgency: mild, even though my period usually exacerbates symptoms.  I LOVE YOU, PRELIEF.  Advertise on this blog.


GF HelloFresh: July Week 5


Cauliflower mac and cheese

GF: sub gluten-free elbow macaroni for cavatappi, sub corn starch for flour


Turkey chile rellenos with poblano peppers and chipotle sauce


Cheese Mediterranean tacos with roasted zucchini, cucumber tomato salad, chili honey oil

GF: sub corn tortillas


Discount code: NIMBUS


Go on, take everything


TWW (I’m that acronym lady on the internet now) the two week wait is torture without substances.  I can’t have a margarita to cope with not knowing.  I’ve discovered that pain medication was probably masking the full severity of urinary frequency as I now wake up to 10 times in the night and feel slightly insane.  I’m supposed to be limiting coffee when I have crippling fatigue.  I don’t even drink that much coffee!  But now


My perfect drug is actually coffee.

Ok I was still having tiny sips.  I need to get off the couch sometimes.  And I have a urine log which shows this affected my urination not at all, but the nighttime consistently ramps up the oz.  I’ve always dreaded having interstitial cystitis (IC) as it sounds like THE WORST.  But I’m accepting I may have it.  I’m already living in a world of torture, Azo, and gas station restrooms.  IC is highly co-occurring with endometriosis and autoimmune diseases.  Or maybe my cyst is growing.  Or maybe I’m pregnant hahaha.

Prescription medication is available but not for those trying to conceive.  Dr. Garza’s nurse suggested trying a trial IC diet using the IC Network app.  I can’t drink alcohol anyway, so why not?  I’ll stop consuming anything which gives me pleasure.  And if I am still tearing my hair out, a urologist or Dr. Garza can inject a bladder solution through a catheter to reduce inflammation.  My great-aunt also has IC and drinks baking soda and found diagnostic cystoscopy to be relieving as it stretched her bladder.  If I want to cheat: