Dear Abby, I want to tell someone to fuck directly off but I lack confidence in myself

From ScorpioMystique:

The Pisces Moon will make you want to make sure everyone you love is taken care of, but prioritize the way you’re feeling. When you feel good, life is good. If you have to drop off the face of the Earth for a little while to get back into your zone, definitely do so.

How do you decide what to prioritize when you get opposing messages from those around you?  Or even different, judgy parts of yourself?

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Judgy eyes

…Take care of yourself so you can take care of others.  Be more present.  Spend more time and effort being a good employee, caretaker, wife, child, homemaker.  Take time to rest and care for your health.  Get exercise. Accept yourself as you are right now.  Respect your elders.  Maintain healthy boundaries.  Listen to feedback from others.  Brush dem haters off…

Ok, when I write everything out, it’s clear what feels genuine and doable for me.  But I feel insane when people I respect, loved ones, tell me I need to be better, to do more than I already do.  That I am “habitually inappropriate”.  I know I need to do more.  I would love to do more.  But do we all understand why I cannot right now?

I have many invisible illnesses and although I feel like I talk about my aches and pains too much, I don’t apprise others of every development in discomfort, and thus, they may not be aware of my fluctuating needs.  I think Trent is so accustomed to me being in pain sometimes that he forgets pain makes me unhappy, uncomfortable, fatigued, irritable. Those with chronic mental and physical pain try to ignore, push through, and fake it, and this week, I feel guilty for not being able to fake it.  I’m sad, but not surprised, I’m not pregnant.  I feel like I am not enough.  A husk of a person.  That I could do better if I tried hard enough and I’m not trying hard enough but I’m so so tired of trying.  These are the messages I’m receiving from inside my head and from people who say they love me.

Side note: if literally everyone you’ve ever met is giving you the same feedback, consider it.  There are many people in my life who are supportive of me right now and giving me positive feedback and you all are carrying me through this week.

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How do I clear out the static?  Be curious.  The most reliable IFS (Internal Family Systems) tactic.

When someone requests a change from you, gives you advice, is it for your benefit, both party’s benefit (although you may need to understand how this will work) or solely the other party’s benefit?  “I want you to adjust to improve my life.”

For Trent, even if it costs me some, I’m willing to adjust on most items.  But if I adjust for people who I don’t know as well, my attention to myself, my life, and Trent, suffers.  (See: spoon theory)

When giving yourself directives, are you treating yourself as kindly as you would a dear friend?  Or are you badgering yourself from a place of fear, anxiety?  Leading from Self as opposed to coming from a part, in IFS speak.

I’m going to need some time to think on this TRIGGER!ing situation, maybe lead myself through an IFS exercise.  Self Therapy is awesome for that.

From Rob Brezny’s Free Will Astrology:

Some zoos sell the urine of lions and tigers to gardeners who sprinkle it in their gardens. Apparently the stuff scares off wandering house cats that might be tempted to relieve themselves in vegetable patches. I nominate this scenario to be a provocative metaphor for you in the coming weeks. Might you tap into the power of your inner wild animal so as to protect your inner crops? Could you build up your warrior energy so as to prevent run-ins with pesky irritants? Can you call on helpful spirits to ensure that what’s growing in your life will continue to thrive?

Ha!  I’ve definitely had some cats spray in my yard this week.  I think all cats are cute, so a more apt description is that escaped chimpanzees threw their feces over my iron gates. Don’t worry, I sprinkled some tiger urine in their faces.

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