#247: Marrying into a family with awful boundary issues, or, secrets of dealing with Highly Difficult People

Captain Awkward

Hey Cap,

I’m a 25 year old woman, in a great relationship and planning to get married this summer. I have what I think is a fairly classic piece of awkward that I nevertheless can’t figure out what to do about: I am about to acquire an awful mother in law – I’ll call her Alice.

Alice pushes my and Fiance boundaries in a lot of unpleasant, guilt-trippy ways, but the worst is that when she’s upset she throws tantrums. I know it sounds kind of silly to be so bothered by an adult behaving so ridiculously, but they really are scary – she will stare me down, crying furiously with her eyes still wide open (I didn’t even know that was physically possible) while telling me that she has only ever wanted me to love her. I don’t think she’s going to hit me, but they leave me seriously…

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Spoonie preparing for international travel

Pretty much every day I order $25plus worth of items from Amazon.   Some may think I’m trying to control the anxiety of chaotic travel with material goods, and guess what, bitches?  It’s working.

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In between my Ambien sleeps

 

I am staying in a resort in Nusa Dua and there’s not much on the internet about that region for celiacs (it’s all beach resorts).  American Airlines has promised GF meals.  😬  For emergencies, I’m bringing Annie’s GF macaroni and Gushers in my checked bag, then loading up on hot food and snacks in LAX.  The resort wrote me an email and I hope there’s nothing lost in translation:

Following up your inquiry regarding your special Consent.  We are delighted to give you some information about it: have celiac disease so cannot eat any gluten (wheat or soy sauce) or eat food that has touched gluten.

Ms,Nil could you please give us more information when is your arrival date and departure date in this hotel.  Because we would like to order special item for you and for your husband while you stay in our resort.  And I will share information thetail  to our team at FB Service and FB Production,and our chef veryhappy to assist you regarding special food.  But while you stay in our hotel if you come direcly at our restaurant or order food in room dinning  please inform our team at FB service that you have gluten free

 

I also mapped out the CarreFour supermarket nearby.

 

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In case of gluten

My mother is so excited about bringing only a carry-on.  That’s nice for you.  My medications and supplements in their original huge bottles (paranoid about customs) will be taking up my carry-on.

 

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Subbing for heating pad on abdomen on plane

 

Besides being paranoid about Zika, I have more of a reaction than most to mosquitoes and get bitten often.  Only Cutter Skinsationals works on me, but I’m trying this as a less noxious alternative.  A friend is similarly bite-inclined and said she went to South America with a group of children and this is what they successfully used over DEET products.

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The Lupron bloat has subsided but I’m no longer chicly malnourished. Those maxi dresses cling.

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Now all my swimsuits are too big or too tight.  Treat yourself!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B077N2NMLG/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_W5Q1AbXDXD1H8

 

 

 

 

The healing is real

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I don’t always mention providers on this blog with the exception of Dr. Garza for excision surgery.  I would encourage anyone in the central Texas area to travel to visit Austin Meridian Therapy:
After excision for endometriosis, interstitial cystitis was the main disease causing pain and deteriorating quality of life. I woke up every hour to urinate and felt urgency after 10 minutes. Driving and standing were painful after an hour. I switched all my pants to leggings, and even those could be too much pressure on my abdomen. My skin ached at the lightest touch. I completely understand people who are not suicidal AND consider death an an option to end pain. It’s a disease that makes you go a little nuts (clinical term).
Have I tried x? Yes, I have tried everything before bladder instillations. And some treatments DO help rebuild the bladder wall and alleviate symptoms, but nothing has made as immediate and large of a change as seeing Jon Dollar for treatment.
A dear friend referred me and summed him up: he’s a true healer. What does he do? I can’t really describe it! He does acupuncture and energy work and focuses on balance and gut health. I’ve tried all those things before, over long periods of time, but they didn’t work as well as this.
I spent so much money and time on trying to achieve the results Jon gave me in one session. I originally saw him for fertility and when I mentioned bladder issues, he worked on that in a few minutes (third data point of acupuncture). He said I would flare and then return to a healthy baseline. For life. No weekly appointments or 3 different herbs to take 12x/day.
I am gluten-free due to Celiac, but no longer follow an inflammation diet because I track my symptoms daily and saw little difference. I am no longer on Elmiron because it costs $1100 monthly. I now wake once at night to urinate. I went to a birth and urinated twice in the first 9 hours. !!!! I don’t constantly think about the location of the nearest bathroom. I had 3 margaritas in a day without suffering! To me, this result is nothing short of a miracle. I’ve been waiting to return to chronic pain but nope! I feel human. If you have tried everything, book an appointment with Jon Dollar. You only need to go a few times and the cost is minimal.

Bacteria friends (in abundance)

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Okay, I’ve gone to the weird side.  And I’m a person who does spirit journeys during float therapy if I need guidance.  Also, you’ve seen my tarot posts.

My dear friends experienced a loss and recently started trying for a baby, but it wasn’t immediate.  Not shocking, but the wife wanted to get this show on the road.  The wife, who is pretty sensible, referred me to an acupuncturist who does…I don’t even know?  Energy work?  Some acupuncture.  Meridian therapy?  What is that even.  He tunes his nervous system to mine by touching my abdomen and can assess if the gut bacteria is in balance, or if you have a fungal infection/overabundance.  My friends are pregnant now, so what the heck, let’s do this!

I’ve read some about leaky gut and gut health since I have celiac disease.  I take a probiotic daily if I remember.  Mr. Meridian recommended this probiotic, 3 pills daily.  Adjust as needed for constipation.  It was needed.

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He said my Candida was a little high, 3%, but mucomycorsis was around 40%.  And we only identify this fungal infection through testing when it’s eating away at your flesh and you’re dying, whereas I’m not dying, my gut is out of whack and that can cause issues with fertility, endometriosis, cysts.  By the way, I told Mr. Meridian I was coming in for fertility treatment, but he didn’t know any of my other diagnoses.

You can’t Google this shit.  Don’t even try Google images.  I tried “Eastern medicine” and “acupuncture” plus mucomycorsis.  No info on treating it at a smaller level.  Whatever! It’s 3 sessions in 4 weeks for $200, which was the initial cost to start weekly fertility acupuncture.  That’s it!

I do believe your gut needs to be in balance, so I’m going along with it.  Also what’s the source behind all this autoimmune reactions and inflammation?  My doctors don’t know so fuck it.  Mr. Meridian explained fungus is everywhere, in the water we drink, and sometimes it stays and multiplies to a point where we start getting negative symptoms.  We can also recruit other bacteria friends to protect our immune system.  Aw!  He uses probiotics, and his touch therapy, combined with acupuncture, to move the fungus out of the gut, and into my knees?  For myofascial release.  Lots of hands on abdomen and then slowly releasing knee tension while I lie on a massage table.  His assistant also uses ozone therapy? With O3 in my ears to accelerate the moving process with blood flow.  Oh, and there are magnets for acupressure!

Sure!  Mr. Meridian was shocked to find (through touch) that the fungus reduced to 4% after a week.  I was strangely proud of myself based on no evidence whatsoever.  Is it because I urinate constantly?  After next week, he thinks I should be able to get pregnant without IVF.  Too bad I put myself into menopause!  I should also have more energy and return to baseline.

If I feel better, or get pregnant without IVF, I will be sure to refer this man to everyone I know.

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They give Lupron to sex offenders

https://www.bostonmagazine.com/news/2014/02/25/chemical-castration/

Now I know the shots my clients were on at county psych!

I felt really bloated with ovarian cysts and I feel really bloated with Lupron.  But I’m gaining weight!  I’m almost 100 pounds.  Hopefully, this isn’t a steady trend because 3 months x 5 lb / week = 😱   I am excited about fitting into old clothing but NOT about giving away all the Target jeggings/eBay LnA leggings recently bought.  And the cute Aerie bralettes.  What a waste.

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Week 1 complete: still have to pee all the time and the bloat is painful.  CBD arnica salve on the abdomen is helpful for reducing the spasms.

 

Bitch, I’m back

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I’ve been too busy living my life, being stable on medication, with no endometriosis symptoms one year post-surgery, working hard as a doula and child sleep consultant.  I have my dream job with supportive all-lady co-workers who I can tell details about my period and fertility timeline.  I only have energy to watch TV, not blog about it.  I have 8 Kardashian episodes on my DVR for an apocalypse-type situation where I still have electricity and internet service but I’ve watched everything else recorded and Dr. Pimple Popper is deceased.

Unfortunately, I developed hemorrhagic cysts in the past 2 months.  Not endometriomas, TFG.  They grow and shrink and cause a lot of pain but there is nothing you can do!  😀

We found out our health insurance partners with Progyny to pay for TWO full cycles with PGS testing from fertility testing to 2nd ultrasound after positive pregnancy test.  Ummm.  Wow.

I switched REs because Dr. H was full of herself and thought ablation is a legit surgery technique for endometriosis and blew me off when my surgeon wanted me to see her for a follow-up on a new 5 cm cyst.  You know, so it doesn’t keep growing and strangle an ovary.  “Oh, you’ve always had that 5 cm cyst.”  No, I haven’t.  Bitch, review your notes.

For now, I think I want to document all this and get excited?!?  Life is not sucking for the first time in a minute.

Getting a 28 day Lupron shot tomorrow and planning for a July retrieval.

Dr. S (new RE) was v. charming today and less self-inflated than initial appointment.  300% less eye-rolling.  Possibly because my mom was there to grill him, IDK. I liked him more and my mom was charmed.  She was on top of it.
Dr. S: We use Lupron because birth control does this to endometriosis (demonstrates lower curve with hand) while Lupron kills endometriosis (demonstrates nosedive with hand).
Mom: Now that’s interesting…so does Lupron actually kill endometriosis? I’ve never heard that!
Dr. S: It doesn’t kill it PERMANENTLY. No, it doesn’t remove endometriosis.
My mom and I in the car after: Death is permanent.

Cyst on left ovary shrunk to 11 mm and that’s why I feel little pain.  The cyst is pressing on my bladder, exacerbating IC.   Did I say I was prescribed Ambien?  I got Ambien and sleep at night and wake at a normal hour.  I also do some stellar Amazon shopping before I pass out but no sleep binge eating or murder as of yet.

Right now I go through 4 shirts a night sweating so maybe with Lupron, just sleep on a tarp?  Hoping it doesn’t send me into permanent menopause and give me osteoporosis.  Pray 4 me.

90 Day Sociopath

 

I just listened to the Dirty John podcast in two days and Luis reminds me of this type of serial predator who creeps out everyone but the woman he’s conning.  I feel for Molly screaming that she feels like she’s going insane.  It’s not you, it’s Luis.  She held her own and made a rational argument in the face of gaslighting insanity.  I’ve been drawling to Trent all week: Take your little ring and get outta my house!

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Here’s a sweet, sad, supportive thread for those who experience emotional abuse:

Gluten-Free Denver: Winter 2017

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The Peruvian, The Ninja, Caprese

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Mahi-Mahi tacos, Jalapeno Kiwi margarita

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Marg’s Taco Bar

 

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Japanese iced coffee, Simple Breakfast with habanero bacon

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Raspberry vanilla cream cake from Whole Foods (via a local bakery)

Table 6

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And here’s some transdermal cream from GroundSwell for you spoonies out there. Whoopi Goldberg has her own line of PMS tinctures and bath soaks!

Olive & Finch

Denver Airport – Cru Wine Bar and snacks