Jane the Virgin learns about doulas

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Skin to skin isn’t a given in all hospitals.  :/20171102_194641

Fear-based parenting and birth is not what doulas are about, y’all!  🙂

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When you’re too tired to make it to the toilet

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Floribama Shore

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Cortni, it’s called the ocean, nature’s toilet.

The 24 year-old women hope they’re still young enough to find a man.  And they’re divorced.  Or just ended 10 year relationships. 😵

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Restaurant by Joss Whedon?

Laughing that this date cost $150 in PCB and Gus is SO mad that he didn’t get a kiss from Nilsa.  She isn’t an escort service who owes you BJs for cheesecake.

I’m getting escaped cult vibes from Jeremiah.  Home schooled, his name is Jeremiah, his name is Jeremiah.  He’s so so hot and well-dressed (the suspenders!) and goes for pee-pee Kortni.  Cortni?  And then he insists they split the check.  Highly suspect for a Southern gentleman.  Then he’s uncomfortable with Kearney Courtney Corny krtny showing up in his bed.  Like a gay man or virgin ex-cult member.   And then Jeremiah places her in the friend zone.  Hrm.  Nilsa flashes her manufactured breasts and invites him to swim with her and Jeremiah declines to clean the kitchen.  The evidence mounts.  But then he hits on Kayla Jo on the beach!  And he’s always cleaning.  Child labor habits from the family cult?  Now he’s talking down to Aimee for being a messy Bessy.  Jeremiah is fascinating.

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Trent and I LITERALLY scream-laughed at this image. Aimee, get some Baby Foot.

Aimee and Kortni are smoking menthols and using long-reach butane lighters.  I like it.

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Can’t wait to see Nilsa at 30.

“Her vagina has been intact for 30 years.  That’s, like, ancient.”

Offensive!  Kayla Jo has 5 more years until her vagina is ancient.  Also Kayla Jo is only 26 hahaha.  I know how old that seems when you’re 22 though.  Creepy old 26 year-olds.

I tell myself that we’ll keep watching solely because these may be future Challenge contestants.

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Postpartum in Japan

Learning about other cultures’ postpartum traditions in my infant sleep training. I love the concept of the mother being treated like a baby herself.

Sharicks in Tokyo

It’s the last day of my maternity leave! I better write a blog while I have a chance.

In Japan, it’s really common for a pregnant wife to go home to her mother about a month before her due date, have her baby there, and then stay for another month or two before coming home to her husband. Her husband may or may not visit during that time. There are several different reasons for this, an obvious one being that when they come home, there’s work to be done! A husband and kid/kids to take care of…why not stay with Mom where they’re taken care of and can rest?

Since that is so common, it wasn’t too surprising that so many of our Japanese friends asked if I was going to go home to America to have the baby, or if my mom or family was coming to help me…

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You’re not really supposed to have a baby shower for your fourth baby….

 

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McKayla’s real family

 

James feels like he doesn’t need to attend a childbirth class because he’s a middle child.  I think he’s confusing childcare for childbirth.  Very different.  This is where a doula would come in to help during a birth where the partner is scared, needs support, or not participating!  Many cities have volunteer birth partners, especially for teen parents.

James: I have 7 brothers and sisters.

Lilly: You weren’t in the room when they were birthed.

Lilly is going to be the only mother alone in class, dickhead.  She’s already going to be self-conscious of her age and marital status.  I hope James isn’t already slowly backing away from fatherhood.  That’s nice for you, James, that you don’t need to know about an experience that your girlfriend and child can’t avoid.

Lexus’ grandmother was a teen mom and is “shocked” this happened without birth control.  Lexus is 1 cm, 50% effaced and her provider wants to induce at 39 weeks.  WHY.  Are you going on vacation?  Ugh.  I hope there’s a reason they’re not sharing.

Of course Lexus is excited because she wants to see her baby, not be pregnant, and trusts her doctor.  Get ready for a long, painful labor that may lead to cesarean and a long recovery!  Has anyone explained to her that contractions will be more painful?  God, I hate obstetric culture!

McKayla, do not give in to the joint baby shower.  I am so sorry your adult mother is putting you in this awkward position.  BOUNDARIES.  Probably a PD going on here with the guilt trips, substance use, multiple children, lack of interest in McKayla until a camera crew rolls up.  Mama McKayla looks familiar; was she on Intervention?  Such a victim.  It’s so sad that you are an outsider because you chose drugs over your children and then chose…?  You’ve been sober since 2009.  You don’t work.  What have you been up to?

Oh, the longest text ever that Mama McKayla sends after Shelley disengaged and hangs up on her. I’ve received a few of those from people with borderline traits.  I am all about Shelley stepping in as an adult to protect her son and McKayla.  Pregnant ladies, daughters, teenagers, humans should not have to deal with this woman.

 

90DF reddit has created an r/TLCunexpected

Netflix and Sick: Unexpected

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Lexus and her mom are twins.

Lexus, the teen mom, and her mother, are younger than me.  D:  The obstetrician awkwardly talks about natural induction methods: walking, pineapple oil, teen sex.  Mama Lexus gives the side eye.

I’m officially an old feeling uncomfortable with teens discussing their virginity loss stories.

The relationship with McKayla and her grandparents is fascinating, cute, and beautiful.  Excellent editing choice to play out the entirety of You Are My Sunshine.  McKayla and Kaelan are naming their son after their grandfathers.  “They were like the fathers in our lives.”

McKayla’s absent mother is due with a baby 4 weeks apart from her teen daughter.  Another screaming emoji.  I love how protective Caelen’s mother is of McKayla.

Now I know what a glamma shower is.

Cycle of teen pregnancy well-demonstrated.  Amazing how even the teen boys have teen mothers.  Change this show title to “Completely Expected Due to Socioeconomic Factors.”  I hope the ladies aren’t all abandoned by the fathers like in Teen Mom, ugh.  Or the teen moms I’ve worked with.

 

The stories we tell ourselves

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“It’s like I was out of stories to tell myself everything would be okay.”  Here’s the genius of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’s musical interludes: they’re the protagonist’s coping mechanism.  The prior episode and this week’s should be shown in grad school.

Dr. Daaaaamn: In my opinion, you’ve been misdiagnosed throughout the years and that’s why you’ve been struggling.

Say it’s time for DBT.  Oh, nope, he’s avoiding the stigmatized dx.

Rebecca has been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, insomnia, PTSD, sex addiction, OCD in the past.  She’s wondering if maybe she’ll be bipolar, schizophrenic light.  She has a shifting sense of self (like many Axis II disorders) and wants an identity and a solution.

Dr. Damn: It’s important to not look up the diagnosis online before we discuss it.

Because you’ll realize that people don’t speak about Borderline Personality Disorder in gentle terms online.  Nil, how do you feel about clients with this diagnosis as a psychotherapist?   It’s complicated.  🙂  Fist pump!  Armchair diagnosis confirmed.  I never thought the show would be this direct about the protagonist’s mental health.

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Rebecca blows off group therapy in IOP.  She hates her diagnosis because it’s not a disease: she tells herself it is a reflection of who she is as a person.  Rebecca seeks a second opinion from her psychiatrist/psychotherapist.  Crossing boundaries, she (and Paula, wtf codependency) interrupts a client in a psychotherapy session.  Then the show brilliantly has the psychiatrist state the DSM criteria while cutting to flashbacks from three seasons.  Rebecca accepts the diagnosis as “crazy” and returns to IOP with a workbook (totally Dialectical Behavioral Therapy!)

Also everyone’s reactions to the suicide: overzealous mothering, blaming themselves, fear, oversharing on social media, flashbacks, placing themselves at the center of the drama.  Put this episode in a textbook.

I recently listened to Dan Siegel and science shows that the stories we tell ourselves, and choose to focus on, shape our brain and become our reality.  Rebecca, what will you tell yourself about your diagnosis?